Giddy God's Pajamas! I am a Red Bottomed Vampire!
by RiverIsWild
Summary: Gee is once again on the Rack of Luuurve and the rack is about to get EVEN MORE CROWDED! Will she be able to choose between her Italian Cakey and Dave the Tart? Will the bakery get in a new stock? Set after SITNOP! Georgia/Twilight Crossover!
1. Chappie 1

**A/N Hi Folkles! This is my FIRST EVER FANFIC so i hope you enjoy it!**

**It is slightly tainted by the fact that someone just posted a Georgia/Twilight Fanfic but as Gee would say "Live and let Live". I honestly didn't copy them, i already had this idea and had just finished this chappie when they posted theirs :( But ho hum pigs bum there is nothing I can do about that now. BESIDES our stories will be COMPLETLY different as in mine the Cullens will come to Gee! :)**

**I will shush now :D.... Read on you loons!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight OR the Confessions of Georgia Nicholson unless cows really DO jump over the moon!**

* * *

Inside the honey club…… again

I'll just go get my coat and then I'll go home and back to my bed of pain to figure out what I'll do about the Luuurve God's nervy b.

Wow, I just saw Rosie and Sven's outfits again. I really do wonder where they get their fur from. And what kind of shop stacks purple jumpsuits? Then again, maybe I'm better off not knowing.

Where ever it is, it can only be home to the sensationally mad. And that is _le_ fact.

**In the cloak room**

I have just realised that I still have Masimo's jacket that he gave to me before the fisticuffs at dawn fandango. Hmmm… Well I'll just give it back to him tomorrow.

Unless he does cold-shouldarosisty that is.

Right. I'll just get my coat and then I'll be off.

Quick, quick, quiet as a mousey type thing on mouse tablets before someone see's me and asks what's wrong.

YES! Freedom!

**Outside the club**

Ooo it's rather nippy noodles out here actually.

I'll just put Masimo's jacket on top of mine. Mmmm… it smells like him. You know, that groovy Italian smell that all Italian type people have. Or so I've heard.

"Hey Georgia." Damn it. It's Robbie. Stay calm and don't say anything mad.

"Oh hi Robbie. Fancy seeing you here." Well done Gee that was almost normal. Well apart from the fact that I'm at one of his bands gigs. Where he will obviously be. Hmm… I don't think he'll notice though. Much.

"Well you are at my band's gig." … Bugger. He did notice. Ho hum pig's bum. He is last weeks cakey anyway. Back to the bakery he goes. It is a good job I didn't take a bite or I would have been stuck with him and then I would have gotten fat as I'd have to eat him and no one likes a fat girl so I would, SHUT UP BRAIN! SHUT UP!

I laughed in what I like to think is a vair attractive way. That is what I like to think.

"Yes, well… I am just going to be away laughing on my fast camel, so goodbye Robbie. May the PANTS be with you." Did I just say PANTS to the (former) Sex God? And why did Dave suddenly enter the conversation? Get out Dave! No one asked you! You don't deserve to be here anyway! My brain is reserved for those who do not cause me to lose my handbag wielding Italian Stallion! … Handbag wielding?? Where did that come from?

**1 second later**

Well I suppose it is a little bit toooo womanly to be considered, well, manly.

Thankfully, Robbie has just laughed. He does have a rather groovy laugh. Not in a Dave the Laugh This-pants-is-full-of-halairiosity kind of way but in a I'm-full-of-sophisticosity-at-all-times Sex Goddy kind of way.

If you know what I mean, and I think you do.

" Oh, well, have you seen Masimo? He said he would be out here with you."

" Ah well, that is a good question." Why do I sound like Rosie? I'm doing pretendy beardy stroking. WHY? Has the total poonosity that is my life finally sent me over the edge? Most likely. Not that Baby Jesus seems to care. Buddha seems to have abandoned me as well. Good. I don't need them anyway. I will sort this out on my own. Just like I have to do everything else in my life.

Robbie is just looking at me like a looking at me thing, only more confused. I feel like shouting at him

" Don't ask me, I will be the last to know!"

Oh PANTS! I appear to have shouted that out loud.

To say that Robbie was shocked is the understatement of the CENTURY! He is now doing my (rather good) impression of a gold fish, only it's a Sex God goldfish. Don't look at me. I don't know why I said it. It just burst out like a … bursting out thing.

**20 seconds later**

Robbie just looks thoughtful now… and slightly worried.

**1 second later**

His brow is all furrowed. DON'T HURT YOURSELF MATE!

**1 second later**

He is the (former) Sex God though so he can properly think of more than one thing at once and not hurt himself the way Dave would. Dave who will now get out of my brain. GET OUT!

Now that that's sorted I can get back on my train of thinking. It's a red train… No Pink!… No black, that is more filled with sophisticosity… Where was I before I rudely interrupted myself. Ah yes. I remember.

Yes, the Sex God could probably figure out how the save the wombats and figure out the meaning of life _at the same time _and still be able to stare at me with that gorgy expression of confusiosity. Oh dear. I think I feel my Red bottomostity rearing it's ugly head again. DOWN RED BOTTOM! DOWN!

**2 seconds later**

"Georgia? Is everything alright?" NO! NO IT'S BLOODY NOT ALRIGHT! My Italian Stallion and Dave the FOOL where going to have a fisticuffs at dawn and then I had to, stupidly, shout "Stop in the name of PANTS!" and then Dave laughed and Masimo went of in a huff and now I'm talking to you with Masimo's jacket on and you're just looking at me and asking if it's alright and… and… and now I'm blubbing on the Sex God's shoulder.

**1 second later**

Robbie has put his arm around me and keeps whispering "Shhh, it'll be ok Gee, it'll be ok." but he's wrong. It wont be ok.

I just started blubbing harder.

**1 second later**

How did this happen? As usual I will be the last to know. One second I was trying to think how to answer Robbie's question and the next I was blubbing out the whole sorry tale onto his shoulder.

In the bigger picture I don't know how this happened either. One moment I was (finally) the girlfriend of an Italian Stallion and the next I am back in the oven of Luuurve and sobbing on the former Sex God's shoulder.

Why me lord? Why me?

**Some time later**

Ok, I need to pull myself together now. Come on Gee. You can do it.

"Thanks Robbie." it was mumbled into his shoulder but I think he heard it. I'll just look up an see.

**3 seconds later**

Bad move Gee.

I had forgotten how gorgey Robbie's eye's were, all bright and blue. **(A/N Is that right? I don't remember what his eyes were supposed to look like so I made it up J)** Like you could go swimming in them. I know I wouldn't mind swimming in them and that is _le _fact.

Robbie is looking down at me and his eyes soften. Not literally you loons I just mean he looks like a lovey-dovey type thing.

He's moving towards me. Come on Georgia! If you want to be with the Italian stallion do something. Now! Preferably _not _snog the Sex God. He did go all stropey though, Masimo not Robbie. And all I did was do the twist with Dave the Laugh. GET OUT DAVE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! DO NOT DIST-

**3 seconds later**

PHWOAR! I had forgotten how tip top a snogger the (former) Sex God was… Perhaps I should stop calling him that. After all it is obvious that he is still the one and only Sex God.

**2 seconds later**

And I should know for I am snogging him after all.

**1 second later**

And what a marvy snogger he is.

**5 seconds later**

Did I mention he was a good- Oooo number 6

**A while later**

Breathe! The Sex God is currently doing 6 ¾ so I can breathe. PHWOAR! I forgot how brillopads it is being neck snogged the Sex God. He is tip top when it comes to 6 ½ aswell. And that is _le _fact.

**3 seconds later**

He was the founder of it after all.

**A few minutes later**

Blimey O'Reilly's Trousers! Stopped snogging. Robbie is leaning his head against mine and he's breathing heavily. His breathe smells even better than the Italian Stallion's jacket! It's sweet but minty… like a combination of a polo and a midget gem. Mmmm…

**5 minutes later**

The Sex God leaned his head back on mine laughing softly after I snogged him again. HOW DARE HE STOP SNOGGING ME! I'm going to ingnorez-vous him now.

**1 minute later**

Hehe. The Sex God is snogging me again. Hehe. I am a Sex Kitty of the first water. GET OUT DAVE!

… I looked up at the Sex God to glare at him. I looked him right in the eye and quick as a quick thing he was snogging me again. Glaciosity rules the day!

**4 minutes later**

Robbie broke away laughing again. It was more like a chuckle actually. Not like a Santie Clausy "Ho Ho Ho" but a Sex Goddy chuckle. A Sex Goddy chuckle blowing Sex Goddy breathe in my face.

" You don't know how much I've missed that." he said pushing a piece of stray hair behind my ear.

I started grinning like a loon.

**1 second later**

Which I am. But I felt a guilty feeling in my stomach.

I was technically cheating on Masimo, even if he did go off in a huff.

**2 seconds later**

And what about Dave?

Wait? What has Dave got to do with this a-

**5 seconds later**

What was I saying? Who cares? Not me that's who, for I am doing number 5, no 6! With the Sex God!

" Georgia?" Who was that? That sounds like…

* * *

**So there you go. What do you think? **

**There are no Twilighters in this chapter and I am sorry about that BUT they will (possibly) be in at the end of the next chappie and if not they will DEFO be in Chapter THREE so don't worry people.**

**I didn't want to dive straight in with them PLUS it wouldn't work in my story.... Besides, I wanted to make Gee's life MORE complicated before I turn it's on it's proverbial head!**

**PLEASE REVIEW IT WOULD BE MASSIVELY APPRECIATED! Next Chappie (hopefully) within the next few days (definatly by the weekend)**

**x x x x x x x**

**P.S Happy Birthday for when it comes to the writer of the FIRST (as far as I know) Twilight/Gee Fanfic **allisonosity


	2. Chappie 2

_IT IS FINALLY HERE. So, sorry to everyone that has waited, I fail and I know it. I hope there are people still reading this and that it has lived up to any expectations_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gee Nics OR Twilight unless Jasper is really gay._

* * *

5 seconds later

_**What was I saying? Who cares? Not me that's who, for I am doing number 5, no number 6! With the Sex God!**_

" _**Georgia?" Who was that? That sounds like…**_

" **Dave?" **

**Oh Giddy God! It IS Dave! What is he doing here? I thought he went home after the almost fisticuffs at dawn fandango?**

**3 seconds later**

Dave is just staring at me like a staring at me thing. STOP STARING!

He looks quite upset actually.

What has HE got to be upset about? HE is not the one who got (possibly) dumped back there. I should know because it was, in fact, _moi_.

**5 seconds later**

Dave is still staring at me and Robbie.

It is like his eyes are frozen.

**2 seconds later**

Houston, we have movement! I repeat, he is not a frozen fish stick. Erlack! If he was he wouldn't half pong!

And I'd have snogged a fish!

A frozen fish to be exact. Oh shut up brain!

Anyway… Dave's eyes have now moved to Robbie's hands on my waist.

**3 seconds later**

He looks quite angry now. Why is he angry? As I mentioned before this is all HIS fault NOT mine.

Well let him be angry.

If he wants to be Dave the Unlaugh then PANTS to him!

I have a Sex God AND an Italian Stallion to occupy myself.

" You're never satisfied are you Gee?" Excusez-moi? No wonder he is called the vati, for he is as terminally mad as one. And that is _le _fact. " Oh no, Georgia Nicolson doesn't settle for _two _guys, she has to have _three _chasing after her!" What in the name of Mr Next Doors giant pantiloons is he talking about?

Wait a minute!

" _THREE _BOYS?!? What in the name of PANTS are you talking about?" I practically screamed at him.

Well he was screaming at _me! _What right did he have to accuse _me _of leading on three guys? Oh sure maybe I was cheating on the Italian Stallion with the Sex God… But where did the other person come from? Can he not count!?! That is clearly_ two _people, even the Astonishingly Dim Monica's of the world would know that. And that is saying something.

Robbie looks quite taken aback by my outburst. And who blames him? Not me that's for sure, I was so close to him I was practically screaming his ear off. Though not literally obviously as that would have been quite a tragic sight and that is _le _fact. The Sex God would not be complete without his godly ears.

Dave just looks even angrier. Soon he'll be as red as the portly one… though he does look rather gorgey when he's angry.

**2 seconds later**

Wait! Where did that come from? Bad red bottom! Damn the cosmic horn! And damn Dave for creating it!

**1 second later**

Dave laughed, but it wasn't a normal Dave-the-Laugh laugh, it was a Dave-the-Evil laugh. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

That laugh quite sacred me to be honest, the hairs on the back of my neck all stood to attention like they always do in those books when the person is about to be attacked by a mad Scottish axe-man.

" You really are as stupid as you look aren't you Gee?" WHAT! How dare he? I'm not stupid! Oh joy, there's more. " Forget it. I'll leave you and your cosmic horn to it because I'm out of here. You better hope that hand bag horse doesn't find out." he looked at Robbie then. Cover your godly ears Robbie! Save yourself from Dave the Evil's wrath! I should have shouted them off when I had the chance! " I thought you were my friend Robbie." Eh? What's he talking about? As usual I will be the last to know. Also, why didn't he shout at Robbie? Why is it always _my _fault?

**2 seconds later**

Dave's gone now. I turned back to Robbie, he looks kind of upset. Underneath all the shock that is. He's just staring at the spot Dave was a second ago (or 2 to be precise). It's kind of creepy to be frank... Whoever Frank is.

**4 seconds later**

Ok, it really is quite scary now. I would run for my life but that seems a little extreme…then again.

No. Last time I ran away (when I went to "catch my train") everyone thought I was mad for weeks. In fact, they probably still do.

Besides, it wouldn't be fair to leave Robbie like he is. I think he's gone into shock like we learnt about in Blodge. Ooo, what to do. What to do.

" Robbie," I said it real soft so as not to startle him. I think that's what we were told to do. Success! Take that Jazzy Spazzy, I'm a Blodge smarty PANTS of the highest waters! He's no longer staring at the spot Dave was standing in but at me instead!… though now I'm not sure what's worse.

**2 seconds later**

Looking at me is defiantly worse. It's almost as bad as Dave and his scary starey act… almost.

" I think we should go now Georgia, I'll walk you home."

I just nodded. It seemed like the kind of thing a smarty PANTS of the first water would do. I wouldn't want Robbie to go back into shock, it was rather scary and that it _le _fact.

**4 minutes later**

Walking home now, thank Our Lord Sandra. Robbie is trudging along next to me so I'm not all aloney on my owney as they say… Who ever they are.

**2 seconds later**

Why do we listen to them anyway? They could be anyone really, if you were to really think about it, as I am at this precise moment being the Buddha of sophisticosity that I am. They could be the mad axe men in the stories. They could prey on innocent Sex Kitties and Sex Gods like me and Robbie! In fact, they could be lurking in the bushes right now waiting to tear Robbie limb from limb and take me back to their shack in the woods to cook and clean like a mutti! Gadzooks!

**1 second later**

Well not my mutti obviously as she has been barely able to keep me alive all these years. In fact, if it wasn't for my first water surviving skills that I learnt from Angus and his wild Scottish ways I would be long gone and over the hills as they say. Holy Kotch they're back again. Save yourselves. Run mind run!

**3 seconds later**

" Are you okay Gee?"

" Of course! As okay as an okay thing in an okay factory!" I said with an airy laugh.

**1 second later**

Not literally airy obviously. It wasn't huge with big windows and lots of room for furniture and… Oh shut up brain this is not time for ramblings with Jazzy Spazzy! Mad axe men are on the loose!

" Oh, well can you stop digging your nails into my arm then? It's kind of painful."

" Oh. Sorry." I pried my nails from his arm and gave another airy laugh.

**1 second later**

Not literally you nutters I just explained… Oh never mind. They are the height of sophisticosity though, just so you know. I am the Buddha on it after all… Sophisticosity not airy laughing. Then again I AM a Sex Kitty and as such am the Buddha on all things… Sex Kittyish. And airy laughing is deffo a Sex Kitty trait if I do say so myself, which I do.

**32 minutes later**

In my bed of pain once again… inside the bakery of pain.

I am inside my bed of pain inside the bakery of pain. It's a pain-all-round type fandango. With a touch of aggers thrown in there for good measure. In fact I think- Oh shut up brain, you're the one that got us into this mess with your stupid run-run-pant-panting off at VAIR important moments and leaving me with nothing but my red bottom for guidance!

**1 minute later**

Have turned to my _Meditation for the Very Backward _book to help calm down. Maybe my new found Buddhaness shall help me to understand the mystical ways of the stars.

**2 minutes later**

The stars aren't mystical. They are still annoying with their cheerful winking and blinking like twinkly idiot ways. And that is _le _fact. Almost as annoying as Dave the laugh because when you dig down to the root of the problem (way WAY deep down where the goblins roam and the sun don't shine as Vati says when he's had too much vino… which is often.) you will find him there.

_Par example. _If Dave the laugh DIDN'T exist then I would never have kissed Robbie as I would know nothing of the ways of the Red Bottom.

**4 minutes later**

I also wouldn't have shouted about PANTS in front of the Italian Stallion and he wouldn't have gone off in a handbag-wielding humpty-dumpty.

**5 minutes later**

I have just had spark of whatsit! If there was no Dave the Supposed Laugh then I would not have twisted with him and the Italian Stallion wouldn't have wanted to have the fisticuffs-at-dawn _avec _Dave the Laugh! Gadzooks! I really am Buddha!

Shall try again to understand the mystic ways of the stars with my renewed Buddhaness.

**10 minutes later**

A large white van has just parked in the driveway next door. The mad-axe men have come to drag me away!

Tell my mutti I love her and that Jas can have my mascara.

**2 minutes later**

Phwor! He's gorgey!

* * *

Mwahaha, had to leave u with a cliff hanger for my comeback didn't I?

I hope it meets up tp any and all expectations!  
Thank you to all that have read and reviewed this story so far!

Please let me know what u thought, not sure when the next chappie will be up cause I have exams soon but I hope it'll be soon and it WONT be as long a wait as last time I PROMISE!

BYE  
x x x


End file.
